I’m sure most, if not all, people have heard the cliché phrase
of, “You never forget your first love.” Although cliché, it doesn’t make it any
less true. It’s that one person, whether they’re in your life or not, somehow
in some way aren’t completely buried in your lost memories. My first love just
happened to be a cliché tale of boy meets girl, girl meets boy in the midst of
high school. You know the high school sweetheart kind of deal. It was something
as simple as just going to an extracurricular activity after school.
For a
first-time relationship, we lasted a year. It had sped by, and I felt on our
first year anniversary it wasn’t just yesterday that I started dating this guy.
We never fought, maybe had a few small disagreements, but we despised conflict
so much that it wouldn’t have been considered anything at all. It was high
school, we had no worries. I recall telling him a bunch of times that I loved
him, yet I suppose I didn’t really know what love was until he
decided that he wanted to break it off a few days after our first year
anniversary.
Then, I never
knew what misery was. I was the epitome of the word; I was the epitome of every
dismal adjective and word. I would have put Romeo and Juliet’s poetic prose of
sorrow to shame with how I felt. I just had the uttermost certainty that I
wouldn’t feel the same, that I wouldn’t love the same, with another person.
Like precious glass china set of dishes that a great, great grandmother painted
and a cat tipped it over as it was leaping off the opened display cabinet. It
could not be replaced…
He moved to Alabama that summer with his family. While he
was gone for months and months, I attempted to forget he ever existed. My
conscious mind was able to forget, but my unconscious mind was fighting for him
in my dreams. I would randomly dream of him during the long months that he was
gone, and my unconscious mind eventually had my conscious mind to think of the
memories. The memories I tried so hard to erase. I eventually had a dream of
him coming back to Indiana, and within a few months later he appeared in the
hallways at the high school one day. Once he had turned eighteen, he traveled
back up to Indiana to live with his aunt and uncle just so he could finish his
high school career at Tippecanoe Valley.
We somewhat
reconnected by the end of the school year, but that chance wasn’t meant to last
since he was in the process of dealing with a family member’s death. I didn’t
understand at the time for his actions, all I knew was that he had changed that
year. After he graduated, we no longer were in contact. I didn’t know what he
was doing, and he didn’t know what I was doing. The only thing I caught word
from was a friend of mine who had with to Tippecanoe Valley, and she found out
that he was engaged to someone. It was unreal to me, like it was impossible to
dig that finger coated in salt into the shotgun wound over my heart.
I soon tried to
forget, but he insisted on popping into my life. Even when I had deleted his
number from my phone, deleted and blocked him for all social network. He had
created a new account on a social network and messaged me; I didn’t bother to
message him back. Yet, his fiancée at the time felt no shame in messaging me,
claiming he wanted to make amends...along with jabbing at me about that she was
engaged to my first love. Deleted and blocked them out of my life, once again…
when I was trying to expel the viruses from my life.
It wasn’t until
another year passed that I received a text message at random. It was someone
saying that a friend of theirs had changed the names in their phone. It was a
hunch I had, I knew it was him. In my heart, I knew…I was hoping, I was
praying. And it definitely was.
We texted each
other for a couple of months, that was the only way of being able to contact
each other at the time. I wanted to talk to him 24/7; it felt like it did years
ago. Love.
It wasn’t until
my last few days of being a senior in high school where I could meet up with
him in person. My last day of being a senior, he made it the best day of my
life. We spent the day just talking and walking. We had strolled through a
wooden path near a pond, which were sprinkled with ducks floating on the water.
One of my Disney Princess Moments:
sitting on the ground, being held by him and watching the ducks stream by.
A month later
we decided to put a label on it, be boyfriend and girlfriend. And now, as we’re
just a couple of months from our first year anniversary I definitely can say
this. I love him as much as I did then as I do now, if not more. Out of all of
the world, stars and heavens…God created this being just for me. I would
literally take a bullet, stab, any form of harm just for him. I want us to go
very far in life, so far that we develop wrinkles our faces and hands. I want
to spend all of my days, especially the end of my days, with him. He isn’t
just my first love, but he is my true love.
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