Rubik's Cube

          Life is a Rubik’s cube; very few can figure out theirs quicker than others, some solve theirs in time, and the rest just don’t bother. I managed to decipher one side of my life: high school. I graduated; I didn’t falter and flunk out, or have to repeat. I have achieved one out of six parts of my life.

1.     Graduate High School

2.    Graduate College

3.    Have a Successful Career

4.    Get Engaged & Married

5.    Develop Family

6.    Relish My Fruitful Life

I observe the cube, knowing what it’s supposed to look like in the end. This puzzle meant to be resolved, but not necessarily in a particular order or time limit. I may speak of future plans, but I never really seek.

I speak of the future and it results me sharing little details. It feels like it’s too much effort to think or even talk of the future. It drains my inner being, and I don’t know why. Even typing it down makes me feel exhausted to explain.

Since I have recently switched what I want to do with my life, I had talk to the director of the library I now work at. He rambled on about the Associates, Bachelor, and Master Degrees and librarian classes that I would need to take if I wished to work on my education (towards becoming a librarian or director). Then, it came to me telling my academic advisor about me going for an Associate’s Degree, she asked if it was for general studies or if I wanted to go more towards English. Seriously, why does it have to be so complicated? Why can’t anyone just tell you what you need to do to get somewhere? A straight, direct answer. I’m begging you.

No, Life has to be a Rubik’s cube to muddle up your mind. When you believe you concluded on an answer it suddenly becomes unresolved. It’s like algebra all over again, or it’s trying to go back figuring out a side of your Rubik’s cube.

As for slowly figuring out the sides of a Rubik’s cube, I have recently spoke of one of them with someone extraordinary special. The side that I’m ever so impatient to resolve is Get Engaged & Married. I’m not certain why I want to complete it in a hurry, since I’m young. It’s more of a, “I kind of don’t want to wait five or plus years until that Disney day comes.” Since we have already discussed about it, and he planned it out after we finish our schooling. It’s understandable; it’s the puzzle, or picture, what it’s meant to look like. Then again, there is no time limit when it comes to a puzzle. I wouldn't mind waiting a year or two from now, I'm not saying right now but five years or more seems like a lifetime to me. I guess we’ll just have to wait.

Life is probably the worst thing to give to an impatient person because you always, always have to wait for an outcome. No matter what the plan, the choice, or event. I’m just grateful that I have survived past one side of my Rubik’s cube.

 

 

First Love, True Love

I’m sure most, if not all, people have heard the cliché phrase of, “You never forget your first love.” Although cliché, it doesn’t make it any less true. It’s that one person, whether they’re in your life or not, somehow in some way aren’t completely buried in your lost memories. My first love just happened to be a cliché tale of boy meets girl, girl meets boy in the midst of high school. You know the high school sweetheart kind of deal. It was something as simple as just going to an extracurricular activity after school. 

          For a first-time relationship, we lasted a year. It had sped by, and I felt on our first year anniversary it wasn’t just yesterday that I started dating this guy. We never fought, maybe had a few small disagreements, but we despised conflict so much that it wouldn’t have been considered anything at all. It was high school, we had no worries. I recall telling him a bunch of times that I loved him, yet I suppose I didn’t really know what love was until he decided that he wanted to break it off a few days after our first year anniversary.

          Then, I never knew what misery was. I was the epitome of the word; I was the epitome of every dismal adjective and word. I would have put Romeo and Juliet’s poetic prose of sorrow to shame with how I felt. I just had the uttermost certainty that I wouldn’t feel the same, that I wouldn’t love the same, with another person. Like precious glass china set of dishes that a great, great grandmother painted and a cat tipped it over as it was leaping off the opened display cabinet. It could not be replaced…

          He moved to Alabama that summer with his family. While he was gone for months and months, I attempted to forget he ever existed. My conscious mind was able to forget, but my unconscious mind was fighting for him in my dreams. I would randomly dream of him during the long months that he was gone, and my unconscious mind eventually had my conscious mind to think of the memories. The memories I tried so hard to erase. I eventually had a dream of him coming back to Indiana, and within a few months later he appeared in the hallways at the high school one day. Once he had turned eighteen, he traveled back up to Indiana to live with his aunt and uncle just so he could finish his high school career at Tippecanoe Valley.

          We somewhat reconnected by the end of the school year, but that chance wasn’t meant to last since he was in the process of dealing with a family member’s death. I didn’t understand at the time for his actions, all I knew was that he had changed that year. After he graduated, we no longer were in contact. I didn’t know what he was doing, and he didn’t know what I was doing. The only thing I caught word from was a friend of mine who had with to Tippecanoe Valley, and she found out that he was engaged to someone. It was unreal to me, like it was impossible to dig that finger coated in salt into the shotgun wound over my heart.

          I soon tried to forget, but he insisted on popping into my life. Even when I had deleted his number from my phone, deleted and blocked him for all social network. He had created a new account on a social network and messaged me; I didn’t bother to message him back. Yet, his fiancée at the time felt no shame in messaging me, claiming he wanted to make amends...along with jabbing at me about that she was engaged to my first love. Deleted and blocked them out of my life, once again… when I was trying to expel the viruses from my life.

          It wasn’t until another year passed that I received a text message at random. It was someone saying that a friend of theirs had changed the names in their phone. It was a hunch I had, I knew it was him. In my heart, I knew…I was hoping, I was praying. And it definitely was.

          We texted each other for a couple of months, that was the only way of being able to contact each other at the time. I wanted to talk to him 24/7; it felt like it did years ago. Love.

          It wasn’t until my last few days of being a senior in high school where I could meet up with him in person. My last day of being a senior, he made it the best day of my life. We spent the day just talking and walking. We had strolled through a wooden path near a pond, which were sprinkled with ducks floating on the water. One of my Disney Princess Moments: sitting on the ground, being held by him and watching the ducks stream by.

   

          A month later we decided to put a label on it, be boyfriend and girlfriend. And now, as we’re just a couple of months from our first year anniversary I definitely can say this. I love him as much as I did then as I do now, if not more. Out of all of the world, stars and heavens…God created this being just for me. I would literally take a bullet, stab, any form of harm just for him. I want us to go very far in life, so far that we develop wrinkles our faces and hands. I want to spend all of my days, especially the end of my days, with him. He isn’t just my first love, but he is my true love.

                                               Robert & Me