After graduating high school it’s known to most that losing friends is inevitable. It’s one of the most arduous things in life to grip to terms with. I believe it is difficult to overcome because true friends share memories. The memories you want to keep forever and the memories you wish never had happened.
My flaw is grasping onto something that is no longer there. I despise letting go of something that is far beyond repair. How can I let go of something wilted and dead when I have shared so many memories? Those memories that still make me chuckle and grin to this day…
No matter how much my heart has ached. I still grip onto the memories.
I lost a few friends during high school, probably more wearisome than after. All at the same time it was gradual and yet…abrupt. I get it, people change. That’s just as inevitable as losing friends after high school, but had I or even my “friends” change so drastically? Maybe I was too slow to comprehend what was happening. I should have seen it coming, but I didn’t see that bright light at the other end of the tunnel. I had my back turned. I had my back turned before I could face the collision. What was once a wonderful friendship soured into a Mean Girls skit within a year, maybe two.
I didn’t know when I was irrational, sometimes I would forget what I had said. I honestly can’t remember how I was a few years ago. Yet, I still remain clueless how I could have let you guys leave astray. That I was an outcast, within our group of collective outcasts. That I had no longer “fit” in. I don’t know what I did to you to cause such senseless drama. We were all teenagers, drama just oozed out of our pores. Now, that we are no longer teenagers do we all inhale hatred for the other?
I have exhaled most of the hatred out. I have learned to forgive the past, because hey! It’s in the past. I don’t believe hurting each other was intentional.
Even after all of the talking behind each other’s backs, stealing, and twisting the truth…
I forgive you.
We were all teenagers, who have grown into adults. I can be a woman and say, “I’m sorry, Ericka. I’m sorry, Audrey. I’m sorry, Keandra.”
I already know that all of you could care less to think of me, let alone acknowledge me. I just wanted to let you all know that I do think of you, I do acknowledge you. It’s inevitable not to because I dream of you, as my friends, and the dream is always bitter at the end. We fight.
I have read this in some books about dream analysis. Surprising enough, it did have dreams about friends fighting and/or lost friends. My dreams mean that I desire closure.
Even in my unconscious mind… I want closure.
